Who Am I?
By Sarah Robinson | IG: @sarahthrows50
My journey into being an athlete started around the age of 6 years old. I primarily played basketball, but other sports were introduced along the way as well. My high school years included 4 years of basketball, 2 years of track, and 2 years of golf. But I knew basketball was the main sport I loved, while track and field was the sport I was best at! My senior year of high school, I was excited and looking forward to having a great senior season and then into basketball season I ended up needing surgery that sidelined me for 6 weeks. All I could think about during this time was, “Why me and why now?” During that time I was also exploring my college options as far as playing basketball in college and I was pretty set on where I wanted to go. I had such a drive to finish my basketball career in college.
Fast forward to the beginning of my freshman year of college and I was so homesick, like most kids! On top of being homesick, I was battling mental health issues such as constantly not sleeping through the night, waking up feeling like someone was sitting on my chest, feeling like throwing up every time I ate, and more. I put so much pressure on myself to be the best, that I didn’t take care of myself. After having conversations with my teammates and my coach, I decided to become the manager instead of a player. Which was a huge decision but I still got to be around the people I cared about. I built friendships with some of the girls that will last a lifetime.
After basketball season was over, I took up college track and I was the only thrower. But this season was so special because it was the first ever track season! I was about to make history as the first thrower in school history. I was able to finally become a real athlete and not just a manager! I finished out the season with a new school record and then shortly after I found out my track coach was leaving! I was completely devastated, you build such a strong relationship with a coach and then they are gone. Fast forward to sophomore year, I decided to come back as the manager for our basketball team after a lot of thought and consideration. I thought having a new coach and new teammates would be such a better experience than my first year, it allowed me to keep being around the sport I loved. I was really enjoying what was all going on and I felt like I didn’t miss playing that much.
Mid-January, I was going through some personal struggles that impacted my mental health tremendously. I felt like I was just failing at every aspect in my life so I went home for a few days to clear my head and regroup. A couple of days later, I was ready to come back to basketball again. Not knowing my career as a manager would be over. Not knowing that I would never manage another game or practice. I was devastated when I was told to take the rest of the season off after my teammates were told I quit on them. The semester was about to start and I was just hanging on by a thread. I would cry almost everyday, I was barely sleeping, I had no energy most days, etc. During the time I was grieving basketball, track was right around the corner. I thought very hard about do I even want to be an athlete anymore? What if this experience is the same as basketball? I ultimately decided to do track to get my mind off things and I absolutely enjoyed my experience. From having teammates who truly cared and were very supportive. To having a coach who cared about his athletes and not just the athlete but the human too. I actually had teammates who threw too! At the end of the season everything was going great and I even felt great after battling injuries all season. I was already looking forward to our next season together and so were my teammates and coach.
Before we knew it, we were on summer break! Then one day out of the blue, I receive an email from our athletic department informing me that track and field would be suspended! I immediately broke down, never getting a warning or anything before this. How was I supposed to react? I tried googling to see if people go through this and how do they cope through this. My search came up pretty empty! I honestly didn’t know what I was going to do next because track was my favorite thing to do. Who am I? I thought about transferring but I ultimately decided to stay and finish out my last 2 years at the place I started. I just wanted to give a huge thank you to my counselor. Thank you for listening and supporting me along my journey to get better. Also to the softball girlies because without you I don’t know where I’d be. To be around you guys and feel loved and supported is truly special! Thanks for your texts and messages as I found out I lost my sport. Also just thank you for all the times that you guys just check in on me. Also, thank you to my teammates, my former coaches (Red and Drew), and to Sam and Lexi for everything you all have done in my life. Lastly, as I build a deeper relationship with God, I go to this Bible verse a lot about strength. Joshua 1:9: “Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goes.”
