Shadows and Spotlight: Comparing Myself to My Sisters in Sports
By Emersyn Thistlewaite | IG: @emersyn.thistlewaite
Growing up with talented athletes as siblings created a mold I felt I had to fit into. It felt like I had to be a mirror and reflect them in anything I did. When in the same space that your siblings found success in, it’s hard to have your own accomplishments. I learned to find the place where my sisters have no shadow for me to be under.
I am the youngest of four daughters. All three of my sisters are playing collegiate sports. Two of my sisters play lacrosse and the other plays field hockey. I am still in high school, playing both field hockey and lacrosse. All of my sisters succeeded in both field hockey and lacrosse. It makes it a blessing to have them as siblings, right?
Having siblings who play at the collegiate level in two different sports, they hold me to a higher standard. My mistakes seem bigger and my sisters expect me to perform above my age level. Even though these standards did help me become a well rounded player, the lack of validation from them made it harder to find the motivation to keep practicing. If I don’t achieve their goals, we spend more and more time on it and it becomes a race that I don’t have enough steam left to finish. The pressure from coaches and my sisters expecting me to play at the same level and intensity as them, becomes a heavy weight on my shoulders. When I wouldn’t achieve that intensity, it would bring my mental health down as I felt like I failed them. They always asked for more, one more goal, one more defensive stop, one more ground ball. They constantly expected more than what I had provided. This spiraled into a point where I wanted to quit all the sports that my sisters enjoyed as I was tired of not being enough.
Growing up, others would connect my success to my sisters. I frequently would hear people telling me, “you're only good because your sisters are good,” or “I see your sisters in you.” Being told this never acknowledged the time, sweat, and determination I went through to be at this level. Everyone viewed my skills as a result of my siblings. My sisters received all the credit; I was just their invention. I was constantly compared to my siblings. So I started to compare myself to them.
Entering high school, I was able to play on the same team as my sister, who was a senior. For field hockey, we both played defense, and for lacrosse, we both played midfield. So playing in games was fun, making connections and always having someone I could trust on the field made the transition to varsity a little easier. But with having her on my team, I was seen and saw myself having to play at the same level as her. Even though she had 3 more years of experience than me, coaches relied on me to play at the same intensity and skill level as she did. When I didn’t meet those expectations, I found myself doubting my abilities. Having someone to compare yourself to, standing right next to you, performing better than you, and finding more success than you from your own family, was a constant reminder how I wasn’t good enough. Since she was a senior, once the field hockey and lacrosse seasons were over, I was constantly being told “you have big shoes to fill, are you ready!” Hearing these words were just another reminder that she was better, greater, and more important than I was. I never wanted to fill her shoes, it was just a coincidence hers were right next to mine. Yes, I relied on her, but I have the experience and motivation to help me push forward and grow.
Over time, it got easier, as I realized I was striving for the wrong reasons. I want to improve to become better, not just because people expected me to be at a higher level. Even if no one else is proud of my accomplishments, then I’ll cheer for myself. Realizing you don’t need validation to notice success is the greatest lesson I’ve ever learned. My mind is still a work in progress, and so are many others. Understanding that I’m not alone, and other people compare themselves to their siblings helped me find peace within my struggle. I am so grateful for being able to live with and get advice from the best players I know: my sisters. Their competitiveness and others' expectations have brought me to where I am today. It never is going to be an easy road, but the destination is so worth it. I hope others can relate to my story, and use the pressure they have to keep them moving forward. At the end of the day, I am proud of the progress I have made, and I’m proud of yours too.
