Uzi’s Mental Health Story

By Uzi Makhdoom | IG: @Uziworld19

Hi my name is Uzma but I go by Uzi. My pronouns are she/her/hers. I'm 19. I'm gonna be a sophomore in college soon, and my mental health story began when I was about 6ish when I lost my first grandparent and uncle. I was too little to understand what happened or what death was but I knew I was upset and it was hard to cope with it.  I was also sorta abused by the nannies growing up and family members of the family growing up. Also physical and vocal hurt and we moved to USA after all of it, we still visit family but not live there because of hate and the past and after that I was doing better because of how much support I had after that, I lost my uncle and that happened when I was I think 10 or 11 and I had a hard time because I was very close to him after that. I was very closed off I bottle everything inside, and then I lost another uncle and at that point I let the world around me I was losing everyone I loved and I tended not to get attached to anyone or talk about my problems because I was thinking everyone would see I'm different or crazy for talking about my problems and when I started elementary school up until third grade I loved life. I was never bullied and I started a private charter school and I started fourth grade and things turned for the worst. I was severely bullied and my family would apply to other character school due to the bullying. As fifth sixth and seventh and eight grade went on the bullying was worse and I didn't really have friends or anyone to talk to about anything and my family would tell the school that they would pull me from the school and they tried but something inside me wanted to stay despite the bullying, but because if I left that meant the bullies won and I was not about to let that happen. Despite all of that I had a support team and counselors who were there even if I barely talked to them. As I was graduating the couples hours before I was on my phone and found out my grandpa passed away I was mad at my family for not telling me he died and after graduation I was upset and mad at the world and I was very depressed didn't know why this happened to me and I didn't wanna talk to anyone about it I thought maybe if I kept it in it would go away and It didn't go away it made it worse. Then high school started and I thought maybe this was my fresh start and low and behold I was wrong I was bullied all of high school for the way I looked and the way I dressed and the way I talked and I felt so alone but I still bottled it up inside till I got a counselor and a social worker. I would be pulled out of class either with the social worker or speech therapist or counselor up until I graduated and in high school I would eat in my favorite teachers classroom because I didn't wanna eat at all because of the bullying and what family would comment about the way I looked and I needed to lose weight so would restrict eating only eat once or twice a day after high school. Towards the end I lost two of my aunts and my grandma and that's when things got so bad I was barely eating and started self sabotaging and was lost and the online bullying continued on and off person and I finally said enough and tried to do something stupid and I said goodbye to all my friends and my friend called the right services for me and had the departments at my house. After that I got a new counselor and therapist and a psychologist and I was diagnosed with ADD and a little bit of PTSD and childhood trauma depression anxiety and also was on a meal plan to help me. Now I’m open with my friends and family so they can help me and I talk to them when I’m not doing my best. Sometimes I journal to write it all down. Now I’m a college freshman and yes sometimes college is lonely for me, but I try to keep myself busy like my mental health advocacy work with companies and work and sports and classes and homework and clubs and social media and my personal life and traveling and friends and family and helping people. This is a reminder to everyone it's okay not to be okay just not okay to stay there. Also, now that I’m in college since the college loneliness hit me I try to distract myself and keep busy and still go to therapy and taking a breaks when I need it and to help my mental health after my sophomore year I’m taking a break to persuade a big dream of mine. If anyone needs someone to talk to or any questions hit up my social media up. Now a sophomore I’m going to graduate after one year. College is what you make of it so do what you love in college. I’m a college athlete and a mental health advocate and somewhat of an influencer. I also found outlets for my emotions which are always new and I also journal. I recently went on a trip and I wasn't prepared to learn what I did. I learned how to take care of my mental and physical health and about eating and how to not let things get to my head. I also learned how to manage homesickness and how to deal with grief again and how to handle bad news about my family. When I came home I ended up leaving my sport because it was affecting my mental heath and happiness. Now I'm becoming a better me. Thank you for listening!