The Unconventional Gold Medal Mentality

By: Sophia Tsintsadze | IG: @sophiatsintsadze

Hi. My name is Sophia Tsintsadze, and I am a lacrosse player at Saint Leo University, but I bet you couldn't guess how I got here. There is a long version that I could write an entire book on, and there is a short version that is summed up pretty easily, and for the sake of time, I’ll stick to that one. 13 years, 10 schools, seven homes, two Soviet immigrant Olympic caliber figure skater parents, and one dream. Olympic gold at the 2022 Beijing Olympic Games. As you can probably tell, February 2022 has passed, and I don't have a gold medal around my neck. That is, an Olympic gold medal. I like to still think I have one of some sorts, and my life story, hardships, and experiences is what has given it to me. It's only very recently that I am beginning to realize that the one that I am wearing around my neck is worth so much more than any amount of Olympic medals. 

When asked why I finished skating while I was on such a high, with all my dreams at my fingertips, I have one go to answer. I fractured my spine, recovery was not working in my favor, and  I had fallen too far behind to catch up back to where I was, never being able to reach my full potential again. Although this was part of it, I have always hid the truth within me, being so embarrassed of it since I was taught to keep everything in and just take it.

I mentally could not withstand this lifestyle anymore. From the age of three,  I was in the rink every day. My whole life I faced constant ignored injuries, mental health issues seen simply as a sign of weakness instead of a struggle, any eating disorder you could think of, comparison, rejection, isolation, being told everyday that something new was wrong with me, and having my worth to all of those around me depend on my daily performance. Most of all, I can't forget the car rides and dinner talks that on days wouldn't change once from the topics of what I was doing wrong, how undedicated I was for taking time off or getting off the ice 15 minutes early, or how I could possibly disrespect myself enough to eat a piece of bread.

I still find fun size snickers wrappers tucked into the edge of my bed or buried deep in drawers. I cannot blame my family though. They both grew up in strict Russian sport boarding schools with much worse lifestyles. Skating was their love language and all they knew. I realized this after I decided to complete my career since we didn't have anything really to speak about for months and would end up just sitting in an uncomfortable silence.

For most of my adolescence, I was homeschooled and moved between three different states, so I didn't have the oppurtunity to make and maintain many friends. I didn't actually go to “real” school until I reached eighth grade, and when that happened I had the mental state and social skills of a five year old. I tried SO hard to fit in, be accepted, and seem normal. I had no self identity, so I would just test out different versions. It's only now that I am becoming happy with who I am. For the first time in my life. 

I still lay in bed wide awake at night disappointed in myself for not having that olympic medal around my neck. I think of myself as a disappointment, a failure, or just not strong enough, since that was what I was told over and over again when I chose to finish skating. 

My gold medal that I wear now shows the strength that I DO have for getting myself out. I picked up a lacrosse stick for the first time at the end of my freshman year of high school and didn't actually play until the middle of sophomore year, learned the sport through a pandemic, playing only one season of high school lacrosse my senior year, and now I play in college. THAT strength. The strength to endure what I have and use it for motivation in everything I do in life. The strength that we all have within us.

We all deserve to wear that gold medal around our necks. Everybody has different stories, and we all have different backgrounds, but everybody has had to endure something to get to where they are. Be proud of it. Refuse to let people invalidate your accomplishments. There is a reason that they are YOURS.

Things get hard. That's a given. That strength within us is what gets us through. I promise anyone reading this that one day or one way, you will flourish into such an incredible version of yourself and feel absolutely unbreakable. That's because you are. You always have it within you, it just needs to be unlocked, and at least for me, wearing that medal around my neck is showing me that strength and ability within myself more and more each day.