Navigating the Unconventional: Our Struggles
By Andrew Mackiewicz | IG: @andrewmackiewicz
The path to becoming a top competitor demands sacrifices that cut deep, often impacting every facet of life. In the world of competitive sports, the toll is substantial, and I've personally endured sacrifices that have taken me to the brink.
How these struggles test me as an athlete is like nothing else. They push me to my absolute limits, shaking my beliefs and challenging my commitment to the core. There are moments when I can't help but question if I'm on the right path, if the endless sacrifices are truly worth it, and if I'm more than just a guy wielding a fencing sword. It's a maze of doubts and uncertainties that can leave you feeling like you're wandering in the dark.
My journey through the athlete's path took me through a particularly tough stretch during my time at Penn State. I was a 2x NCAA national champion, clinching victories in my freshman and sophomore years. I managed to keep making the dean's list every semester until my junior year, when a cloud of doubt crept in. Imposter syndrome and an identity crisis hit hard, and I found myself questioning who I was and where I belonged.
The sport, almost took my life. The immense pressure and towering expectations became too much to bear; balancing being a high level athlete, my academic, social life, etc. Picture this: a young kid of 19 or 20 years, already pouring his heart and soul into the pursuit of success, only to be confronted with a reality that lacked a clear blueprint for the next steps, both in sports and in life. It was as if the very thing that defined me threatened to consume me entirely.
I've walked down that winding path, where passion and exhaustion blur into this messy concoction that keeps you moving forward. The athlete's path has been my comfort zone, almost like a reflex, the only road I've known. Venturing outside of it can be like confronting a recurring nightmare, battling constant imposter syndrome. But let me share this: sometimes, taking that bold leap of faith reveals that the shadows aren't as daunting as they appear, and there's a world of possibilities waiting beyond. And there were moments, believe me, when I questioned whether I was cut out for this, whether I could break free from the traditional script and embrace the uniquely bizarre story I was writing for myself.
Oh, but the comparisons? They're a real kicker. Seeing fellow athletes or friends following the "normal" route can make my unconventional journey feel like a rollercoaster ride without a map. But let me tell you something I've learned the hard way – being different is actually pretty damn freeing. Those uncharted territories I explore, the challenges I take head-on, they're all part of this narrative that's mine and mine alone.
It's beyond liberating to realize that I can shape my own path, one that doesn't give a damn about the expected norms. Sure, it might be a wild and confusing ride, but it's mine, and I wear it like a badge of honor. Because, my friend, I'm way more than just a fencer; I'm a walking, talking, complex human being with passions, dreams, and a personality that extends far beyond the fencing strip. Many won’t understand the path you are on, and that is ok. It just has to make sense for you.
Now, when the going gets tough – and believe me, it gets really tough – reaching out for a lifeline is like catching a breath of fresh air. It's surprising how those you least expect can swoop in and bring a glimmer of light to even the darkest moments. It's like a little reminder that even when you're riding solo, you're never really alone.
But you know what hit me like a lightning bolt? It's the fact that I'm not the lone wolf I sometimes feel like. In my lowest moments, it was the people I least expected who pulled me back from the edge. They threw lifelines I didn't even know I needed, and that, my friend, is a humbling experience that slaps you right in the feels.
What was your upbringing like and how did you get into fencing?
Growing up as me, Andrew Mackiewicz, was no easy feat. My parents, immigrants in a new land, instilled in me a drive to excel, both in school and extracurricular activities. Being different from my American peers was a constant reminder of my unique background. The balancing act of academic performance and fitting in was a challenge I navigated daily.
Sports were my refuge, a place where I could showcase my skills and instincts. Hockey, tennis, and soccer – I approached each with an innate understanding of winning, likely a result of always needing to be alert and perceptive. Amidst the competition, my inner self remained a shy nerd, immersed in books, history, and the epic universe of Star Wars. The desire to be a modern-day Skywalker led me to a fencing club in a nearby town.
Initially, the fencing world seemed rigid, with a coach who demanded discipline and protocol. It wasn't an instant love affair, as I grappled with the intricacies of the sport and the values it upheld. But gradually, I began to appreciate the art of fencing beyond the blade, embracing the principles of grace and respect.
My fencing journey started at the age of 8, but it wasn't until the summer before high school that the pieces fell into place. Despite being a mediocre fencer, something ignited within me. The fundamentals started making sense, and I found myself fully immersed in the sport. Gone were the days of being outperformed by friends; a newfound understanding and passion set me on a different course.
Fencing ceased to be just a sport; it transformed into a way of life. Its discipline, strategy, and the bonds formed with fellow fencers reshaped me. From a shy, academically-focused immigrant's child, I evolved into a confident, skillful fencer – a journey fueled by hard work, dedication, and an unwavering hunger for personal growth.
How much of your time and schedule is spent training and preparing for your sport?
Navigating the world of training and preparation for my sport has been an ever-evolving journey, marked by adaptability and determination. The amount of time and structure dedicated to training has never been set in stone; it's about finding the delicate balance between my sporting aspirations and the demands of the real world.
In high school, my routine was a whirlwind of activities. After classes, I'd catch a quick nap, then head straight to fencing practice, often staying late into the evening. Homework became a midnight endeavor, fueled by the passion to excel both in sport and academics. Soccer served as my secondary fitness regimen, with push-ups and sit-ups becoming my go-to exercises. Those were the days of late-night study sessions and early morning workouts, all in pursuit of maintaining peak performance.
My high school experience was unconventional, as fencing took precedence. I found myself fencing across multiple age groups, even competing at the senior level at age 15. Balancing school and sport became a unique art, one that demanded focus and dedication beyond the norm.
College life brought new challenges and opportunities. As a student-athlete at Penn State, my schedule was peppered with classes, fencing training, and national team commitments. The routine of juggling academics and sport continued, but on a grander scale as I represented the USA on the international stage.
Post-college, I embarked on a new chapter of intense preparation – a four-year journey aimed at qualifying for the Tokyo Games. These years were marked by intense physical training, from early morning workouts to fencing lessons and rigorous practice sessions. I was pushing myself to the limits, determined to achieve my Olympic dream, all while dealing with the uncertainties if I was to qualify for the games.
Fast forward to today, and I find myself in New York City, striking a delicate balance between a 9-to-5 job and rigorous training. Practice sessions, physical therapy, and supplementary activities like boxing and yoga all play a part in my current routine. The demands of adulthood and self-sustainability mean that training doesn't consume every waking hour, but my dedication to excellence remains unwavering.
Through it all, my journey has been shaped by the willingness to adapt, the perseverance to pursue greatness, and the understanding that life often demands compromise. My training regimen may have shifted over the years, but my commitment to reaching the pinnacle of my sport remains steadfast.
What sacrifices do you have to make in order to stay a top competitor?
The path to becoming a top competitor demands sacrifices that cut deep, often impacting every facet of life. In the world of competitive sports, the toll is substantial, and I've personally endured sacrifices that have taken me to the brink.
The all-encompassing nature of this sport led me down a treacherous path. I found myself entangled in a web of sacrifice that extended far beyond physical exertion. The pressure to excel began to overshadow everything else, blurring the lines between my identity and my role as an athlete.
The struggle became overwhelming, taking a toll on my mental health. The weight of expectations and the relentless pursuit of perfection cast shadows over moments of joy and self-discovery. My mental well-being was often on a delicate precipice, a battlefield where self-doubt and uncertainty waged war.
As I dedicated myself fully to the sport, I felt like I was suffocating within the confines of a narrow box. The lines between my athletic persona and my true self became blurred, and I lost sight of the multifaceted person I am beyond the arena.
This journey has exacted a heavy cost, shaking the very core of my being. The sacrifices, while intended to propel me to greatness, have at times jeopardized my sense of self-worth and sanity. I've questioned my place in both the sporting realm and the real world, grappling with doubts that have tested the very essence of my existence.
The sacrifices have been profound, and the price has been steep. Yet, amidst the turmoil, I've gained a resilience that defines me. I've weathered storms that threatened to consume me, emerging stronger and more determined than before.
My story is a testament to the lengths one can go to in pursuit of excellence, but it also highlights the importance of finding balance and preserving one's mental and emotional well-being. The sacrifices have shaped me, but they do not define me. I am more than just an athlete; I am a complex, multi-dimensional individual, deserving of self-compassion and self-discovery.
Why do you train as hard as you do to compete on an Olympic scale, given that you don’t receive compensation to account for it?
The intensity of my training and the commitment to competing on an Olympic scale stem from a complex interplay of factors that have become intertwined with my identity and purpose.
Passion is a double-edged sword. It's a force that propels me forward, driving me to push my limits and strive for greatness. While the lack of financial compensation for my efforts can be challenging, the intrinsic rewards of pursuing my passion outweigh the material aspect.
Engaging in rigorous training and dedicating myself to competition serves as a refuge from the harsh realities of the world. In the arena of sport, I find solace and a sense of purpose that allows me to momentarily escape from the complexities of life. It's a way to channel my energy into something that I am deeply passionate about, providing a form of therapy and catharsis.
Competing at the highest level has become second nature to me. It's a part of my identity that has been cultivated over years of hard work and determination. The thrill of stepping onto the stage, of measuring my skills against the best, is an experience that is second to none. It's a rush that invigorates me, reminding me of why I've chosen this path.
The pursuit of Olympic glory is not solely about external recognition or compensation. It's about the satisfaction of knowing that I have given my all to a dream that burns within me. It's about the journey of self-discovery, growth, and the pursuit of excellence that defines my every waking moment.
So, I train as hard as I do, not for monetary gain, but for the love of the sport, the joy of competition, and the indomitable spirit that courses through my veins. The sacrifices are immense, but the rewards are immeasurable, weaving a tapestry of passion, purpose, and unwavering dedication.
