Unbreakable Bonds: The Mental Impact of a Support System After ACL Surgery

By Neeti Ved | IG: @neeti.ved

Hi, my name is Neeti Ved, and I am a junior in high school. Since I was three years old, I have played soccer and am now playing competitively for KC Fusion ECNL RL (Elite Clubs Regional League). Playing collegiate soccer is one of my dreams that I would love to pursue. However, as you may know, I have recently endured a knee injury that has stunted my development as an athlete and ultimately my dreams of playing in college. This past summer, I was playing in my high school 6v6 league. All was going well until I faced every athlete's biggest fear. I felt and heard a loud “pop” and fell to the floor in the last five minutes of the game. I was unable to move my leg. I then walked off of the soccer field into my car and went to the emergency room. At the emergency room, they told me it was likely a bone contusion, but to follow up with my doctor before I could play. In my mind, I did not realize the severity of what had happened since I was able to walk off the field to my car and the emergency room doctor thought nothing much of it. A couple of doctor's appointments later, I was told that I had torn my ACL and three parts of my meniscus. 

I was shocked, I knew something was wrong, but I never imagined I would tear my ACL and meniscus. The question lingered in the back of my head “Why did I go back in during the last five minutes, I wouldn't be in this situation. This is all my fault.” Little did I know the mental toll these statements would take on me later. Guilt kept piling up on me before my surgery to the point where I became numb to it, not feeling any emotion while talking about my knee.

About three weeks after my injury, my surgery was scheduled for July 20, 2023. During the week leading up to my surgery, I was doing unusually okay—or so I thought. About a week after surgery, my mental health was at its worst, my ignorance of my injury before surgery was piling up in my head. I attended my club team's first practice of the season on August 1st, twelve days post-op. Watching my team was bittersweet, I had realized that I was away from doing the thing I loved, playing soccer, and drifting further away from my teammates on the sidelines. This is when all the guilt and overthinking hit me.  I realized I had so much free time, something I did not get before I tore my ACL. Prior to my injury, I had an extremely packed schedule. I would go to my club practice three times a week, and two times a week before my club practice, I would attend SoccerFIT and work on my strength with Shon Jones. Lastly, I would also train with my personal trainer, Leo Gibson, twice a week. I would travel around two hours total two to three times a week to train with Leo, who has made me the player I am today. Once I got home between 7 and 10 p.m., I would eat dinner and cram my homework before school the next morning. Most weekends, I would travel for my ECNL RL games or have one to two games in a weekend. I was not used to not having order and structure in my schedule. It was not until I couldn't do these things that I realized how grateful I was to have the opportunity to do so and how much they shaped me. Who was I without soccer, what was I supposed to do in my free time? Even today I am still figuring it out and enjoying things I can do now while I have a break before I return to this tight schedule in a few months.

I remember my mental state falling to the guilt of not working out or exercising. To subside the guilt and stay in shape, I go to therapy three times a week and I go to sports performance twice a week—the best decision of my life. Going to therapy and sports performance has undoubtedly helped me a lot mentally and physically. It felt like going to soccer practice, my favorite place to be every day. Additionally, I would not be where I am today without my physical therapist Kyle Martin, rehab technician Mary Petrosyan, and athletic trainer Michaela Meyer. Mary, Kyle, and Michaela have truly helped me more than they will ever know. They created such a welcoming and fun environment that I did not physically get stronger, I got stronger mentally too. Going to therapy and sports performance is what I look forward to every day and acts like an escape from the world, like playing soccer did, because of Mary, Michaela, and Kyle. This helped me mentally because I felt like myself again. I was working out getting stronger, and returning to my busy routine schedule. Michaela and Kyle incorporated soccer into my workouts to make them enjoyable for me and to remind me what all my hard work was for—to get back to killing it on the soccer field. They constantly put in so much hard work to tailor my session specifically to me. They also all reminded me of the most important thing, recovery isn't linear. They all understood my desire to get back on the field as quickly as I could and are constantly working every day to help me achieve that goal as fast as I can. If it wasn’t for Kyle, Michaela, and Mary, I would not be as strong mentally and physically as I am today, I am so grateful for them.

Without my support system, I would also not be where I am today. I have been so lucky to have a very supportive team, teammates, and friends at school who have made my recovery so much easier. My teammate and friend, Maya Pal, has especially helped me make recovery something to look forward to and got me through the hardest times of my life. Maya recently recovered from tearing her ACL and just got back to doing what she does best at the soccer field. It was because of Maya that I went to the same physical therapy and surgeon as her and met Kyle, Mary, and Michaela. Before surgery, Maya texted me something I will never forget “Remember that everyone is on their own rehab journey so there's no way you can be behind because your body will heal differently than others”, this always sits in the back of my mind, especially during the first month after surgery when I was comparing myself to others’ recovery. However, my mind would sometimes wander deeper and darker while watching my teammates play to the point where I would just be locked into my thoughts and not talk very much, which is out of the norm for me. I felt lonely like no one would understand what I was feeling. Often, I would feel like bursting into tears because of how much I held my emotions in. I did not think anyone noticed. But Maya did. Maya would check on me, give me motivation, and make sure that I always had someone to talk to. Maya was my outlet. She would pick up my FaceTime, listen to my rants, and do therapy with me. I remember one night in particular when I was at my worst. School had just started, and I was on crutches, and having to deal with the stares at school. People saying “Hey don't hit the cripple” in the hallways brought my mental health to the edge. On the verge of tears, I texted Maya out of desperation, immediately regretting it as I did not want to burden her. As I was about to “unsend” the message, Maya responded, making me so glad I didn’t. Maya said, “It’s a really tough process and all you can do is focus on the small wins and don't try and look at the big picture and actually playing yet because it will make it seem so much harder than it is. You are doing so amazing and I’m so proud of you and I know that this is so hard but you will be back stronger than ever, I LOVE YOU.” This eased my mind. It was refreshing to hear someone besides my family support me and relate to how I was feeling. This pulled me out of my overbearing thoughts and emotions. I am lucky to have a friend like Maya.

The most significant challenge I faced mentally was thinking about college and feeling behind in the recruiting process. Before tearing my ACL and meniscus, I had scheduled ID camps in Florida hoping to have my skills showcased and seen by the top schools I wanted to play soccer at. Unfortunately, I tore my ACL on June 25, 2023, two weeks before going to Florida for these ID camps. This, to me, was the worst thing that could have happened. For those who do not play soccer, junior year is the biggest and most important recruiting year for female soccer players. I kept scrolling through my Instagram feed seeing other girls I knew commit to Division 1 schools, whereas I could not even walk at the time. This was devastating because it made me feel like everything I had worked towards was for no reason. However, what I didn’t know at the time was that this feeling was temporary.

I kept overthinking and getting stuck feeling sad about my recruiting process, that is until I talked to my trainer Leo Gibson. I have been working with Leo for around three years and he has always been my number one supporter, no matter the situation. Leo is truly an inspiration and was the light at the end of the tunnel for me. When I told Leo that I tore my ACL, I recall him saying “Think of this [recovery] as a vacation and a break, because when you come back stronger, you won't get many of those.” Additionally, he told me to not worry about college and that he would help me with it when I came back. As if he didn't help me out mentally enough, he set me up with a support system. He asked other girls he knew who went throught this same injury to check up on me and give me advice. Leo frequently called me and texted me to check up on how I was, making me feel like I had outlets and people I could talk to. He made me feel like I had accomplished so much, exciting me to share with him my day-to-day progression. Leo motivated me to keep going and persevere in doing my exercises at home. Leo truly made all the difference in my mental health, never once forgetting in his busy schedule to make sure I was okay along the way.

Something that has continuously helped me throughout my recovery process was creating little videos after every day of physical therapy. I would record little videos or take photos of my progress and look back at them when I felt down to serve as a reminder of how far I have come since my first day post-op. I recommend this to anyone going through any type of injury. And honestly, even writing this story, has been extremely eye-opening and beneficial to look back on my progress and express all my feelings onto a piece of paper. I am so grateful to have this opportunity to write this and make an impact on others’ lives, just like how Morgan’s story did to mine. 

So, if you are reading this as an athlete going through a similar experience, I promise that everything DOES get better, and someone in this world needs YOU. There is always someone to talk to or an outlet in a tough situation. It is OK to cry and feel down, but please do not let your emotions hold you back. If you are reading this as a parent or friend, please check on your teammate or child, even a simple pick-me-up makes all of the difference. Although my injury was unfortunate, I have learned a lot from it and changed for the better. I learned to find the silver lining in tough situations and learn about my identity outside of sports. Even though I am still overcoming obstacles in my recovery, I am so grateful for my support system and friends that helped me along the way, I wish I could name them all. Thank you.