Enough is Enough
By: Brianna Moore | @briannam.19
Katie Meyer, a Stanford soccer player protecting her cage while enduring the unbearable pressure to make sure perfection is achieved until March 1, 2022. Morgan Rodgers, a Duke lacrosse player always presenting a smiling face, hiding her anxieties and complex thoughts until July of 2019. Robert Martin, another lacrosse player who shocked his community with the depression that took his life on April 1, 2022. Cameron Burrell, the fastest college runner could not outrun his expectations of greatness, lost August 9, 2021. Harry Miller, an Ohio State football star recognizing his mental health battle and stepping back to reassess his priorities. Caitlin Bracken, a Vanderbilt lacrosse freshman who realized stepping back from athletics would allow her to jump forward. When will enough be enough? When will help be provided and people feel comfortable accessing it? When will these players who took their lives be your teammate? Your friend? Family member? The struggling in silence has got to stop. Our student-athletes are being murdered by their own thoughts of perfection and expectations.
When I became a freshman in college, during the midst of Covid and online learning, I had some realizations about my mental health and those qualities that I never realized before. I was working full-time hours at a clinic, was a full-time online student, and was a volunteer coach at the time. I was under extreme stress and I’ve always felt the pressure of wanting to be perfect. I began to have episodes of chest pain, panic, and derealization. At the time I was terrified. My family and I thought I was having some heart problems, so we spent large amounts of money on visits and tests, and turns out my heart was as healthy as a horse.
During my spring break trip that year, I had a conversation with one of the girls about mental health. I had an awakening and a literal new awareness of anxiety which may have been causing me so much discomfort. I was so unaware and never considered the possibility of me having a mental illness per se, much less being so controlled by it. Looking back though, I showed so many signs of anxiety throughout my life that I never associated.
Earlier this year I faced the challenges of moving away from home and while surrounded by friends at the time, I felt more alone than ever. This, on top of the imposter syndrome I already had as an athlete, the stress of classes, the feeling of loneliness, battling an unknown eating disorder I didn’t know I had, as well as my own rampant anxious thoughts, I started to believe I was not wanted and had no place or purpose to be here anymore. I became so anxious I could not perform daily tasks without shaking or panicking. Thus leading me into a depressive state. I had a bright spot, thankfully, a realization sobbing on the floor of my dorm that I have come too far and had people that I could not leave behind. I began to seek help through counseling and medication, but with apprehension and judgment going in.
See, it wasn’t until a Non-Profit Management: Making Change class that I understood that this while being my story not of real trauma acted upon me but more within me was my calling. It wasn't until diving deeper into the topic that I realized it was a growing problem among student-athletes and not just within my own life.
Knowing I could have been the athlete my friends and family would be mourning. The funeral they would have attended. Knowing the amount of pain I would feel losing someone on this campus or within my own circle. Knowing that there are students with their own stories regardless of athletics that are affecting their mental health, I am called to advocacy. Being someone on the uprise out of the darkest time of my life, I want to be a helping hand to others.
So what is it gonna take until we all reach our breaking point? When will there be no shame in reaching for a helping hand until we are all a part of the list of athletes we lost way too young?
