Why professional basketball was never for me
By: Angie Bjorklund
IG: @bjorklundangie
Don’t get me wrong, I love to compete, and at a high level. But I saw how quickly the culture changes when you involve money in what was originally created to be A GAME. The awards, the acknowledgement, the championships, they never motivated me.
Some people love it, and love to go after these things, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I watch the joy on peoples faces after a big win and it fills me with joy just seeing their joy! I sometimes envy it. It never was my natural instinct to be overly happy or sad after a win or loss. I even have memories when I was younger of fake celebrating after big wins. Or fake being sad after a loss. But in reality, I would just be thinking, “when do I get to play again?”Because I loved PLAYING.
I was obsessed. At age 10 I woke up before school started to shoot hoops on the playground. And then would shoot for hours after school in the driveway because it brought me happiness, it was my outlet, my alone time. To get in the flow practicing was bliss.
What happens when you practice this much? You get good. What happens when you get good at something? Someone wants it from you.
When I was young the game of basketball was mine, just for me to enjoy playing and competing, my outlet, my joy. And then people wanted to take my game, and use it for their own needs. I became a product. And when you buy a product, you expect things from it. And when you become a product, your focus goes to fulfilling the buyers expectations. At least mine did. My first practice at Tennessee I was open and didn’t shoot… I was yelled at “why did I recruit you here?! Not to play defense that’s for sure. To shoot! So shoot it!” Product expectation began.
Come pro ball, my love for the game faded. There was discipline and punishment for losing, and more importance put on winning than anything or anyone. I saw how differently I was treated when I won and when I lost; when I scored points and when I didn’t. I felt I had to shape shift to fit in and belong. So I made these things important to me too, when in reality, they weren’t. And if I’ve learned anything in life, living unauthentically is the most destructive path taken.
There is nothing wrong with the business of basketball, it just never fit me. There is nothing wrong with how it’s played and coached…so many players and coaches love and thrive in the environment. I just unfortunately let fulfilling expectations keep me from the natural evolution and exponential growth that took place when I practiced for fun. With no expectations the game led to creativity, excitement, and a desire to get better and try new things. No role to fill…just a game to play.
I truly believe I was meant to play basketball only as a game, not as a professional. Or maybe I was meant to never have to change how I am, or how I practiced and did things in order to belong. Maybe the kids playing in colleges transferring schools are on to something. Maybe they don’t want to morph to their environment but find a place that fits them… that doesn’t sound so bad. Or maybe I’ll try coaching and not suck the fun out of the environment, but probably get fired for it. (Pickup games everyday! Try any new move or anything you want! Can coach play too? Whooooo!) Or maybe the younger age is meant for me to work with, to help foster a culture of freedom, joy, and creativity that always made sense to me while playing basketball.
I learned that just because I am ABLE to do something, doesn’t mean I HAVE to do it. Doesn’t mean it matches my values.
But I CHOSE to play professionally because of what the lifestyle provided. 8-9 month basketball season, summers off, traveling the world, meeting and working with people from different cultures, living in a different country every year, and a paycheck! Heck yes! I’m super thankful for that! That part of my job is what made everything worth it. Even if the game became poisoned for me, I soaked it up off the court! And I’m beyond happy for all of my experiences.
