Why It’s Okay to Not Always Be Okay and to Share How You Feel
By Madi Weaver | IG: @madiweaver03 & @madiweaverlax2025
As an athlete, and especially as a female, we can often feel the need to put on a smile and make it seem like we are always feeling and playing our best. It can feel like there are teams or coaches relying on you to always be there and to make every play perfect. We fight repetitive feelings of anger or sadness in order to seem put together and not “dramatic” or “over reactant” to our surroundings and games. This mindset can become extremely unhealthy though. Choosing to put how you look on the outside over how you feel on the inside can severely negatively affect you mentally and physically. It will also affect how you act and feel on and off the field.
An experience I had with this was last season for my high school lacrosse team. I was preforming “good” in games, but I still had feelings of disappointment and sadness, like I wasn’t doing good enough. After an injury at the start of the season which benched me for weeks, I wasn’t sure how to cope with these feelings. I no longer had an outlet for them on the field, but I also didn’t understand why they were still there if I wasn’t actively playing. I tried putting on a smile and being there for my team but all I wanted to do was cry. The suppression of these feelings affected playing and mentality on and off the field. I had problems with anger outbursts or crying after games, even if I had performed well and/or we had won. I felt like these feelings were wrong because all of my teammates seemed to be happy and doing their best so I was confused. I struggled with these feelings for a long time until I decided one day it was too much. I vented to my mom about these feelings of anger and sadness and she said she understood how I felt and thought talking to someone more professional about it would be for the best. She set me up with a friend of hers, who is a therapist, and after a coffee date my mindset was completely turned around.
My mom’s friend, Tiffiany, explained to me that I had placed too much pressure on myself to be perfect all the time. That the fear of always disappointing my teammates and coaches was hurting me and that it’s okay to not save every ball or to be perfect all the time. And most of all that it is okay to express I am not feeling okay! That expressing myself would take a weight off of me and make me a better person on and off the field. This suprised me, but after explaining these emotions I felt a million times better. After talking with her I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I was mentally and physically already feeling better after expressing how I felt and allowing these emotions to come out of me, a weight was lifted. I felt like it was okay to be upset with myself sometimes, but I also don’t have to be perfect all the time and place pressure on myself.
This opened my eyes to how I had been seeing myself during games. I didn’t see all the saves or the teamwork happening in front of me. All I saw was the goals in or the missed clears, because I had too much pressure on myself and didn’t allow myself to feel wins or express I wasn’t okay. The more negative I felt the more and more these feelings built up and if I had not opened up they only would have continued or built up. This would have only made me feel and play worse. This showed me that expressing you aren’t okay is okay! I am so happy I went to talk to her that day because it made me feel a lot better and changed my mindset completely!
When I went back to practicing this season I tried to see myself from a new perspective. I was in fact saving shots, not all, but most. I was making good clears. And most of all I had a team who was there for me. My team lifts me up when I’m down and they have been there for me every day this season. Without them and this change of mindset I’m not sure what’d I’d do or if I would even still be playing lacrosse. I was able to laugh at pratice again and feel happy to celebrate wins. Even when we lost I still felt okay and not like the world was going to end. This showed me that Tiffiany was right, I didn’t need to place so much pressure onto myself and it was okay to express I was feeling sad or angry with myself or the game. My team wasn’t going to reject me, they would help me feel these emotions and lift me up after. This lifted a large weight off my shoulders and helped me to grow on and off the field.
I want to share this experience and how I learned to heal these feelings to help other athletes. It’s okay to struggle, to have bad games, and to need a break. You don’t have to be perfect all the time. It’s okay AND so very important for your mental health to share these feelings with someone instead of bottling them up. When you choose not to share how you are feeling the feelings will only build on top of each other and not resolve on their own. It can be detrimental to your mind and your body on and off the field to disregard these emotions. Your team will be there for you, your parents will be there for you, and you will feel a million times better after expressing your emotions. Sharing them can release a large weight off of your shoulders and mind. It’s okay to not be okay and it’s more than okay to need to share that you aren’t.
