The Power of #13

By Ava Dove | IG: @avadove_13 & @avadove_soccer

My name is Ava Dove, and I am a fourteen year old soccer player from Kansas City who plays at the highest level in the Girls Academy League. Like many of you reading this, I have committed my entire life to soccer for as long as I can remember. However, at 12 years old things got very intense for me very fast. At the time, I was 12 years old and living in a small town outside of Wichita, Kansas. I decided I was serious about soccer and made my new goal to play at the collegiate level. I took the first step of making it to collegiate ball by trying out for an elite team in Kansas City, and subsequently started my path in the ECNL (Elite Clubs National League). For my family and I, this meant commuting two and a half hours each way to practice, four times per week, 5:30AM strength and agility sessions, leaving school early to get to Kansas City, and much more. After doing this cycle day in and day out for the first six months of my season, with tremendous support from my family and my teammates' families, I decided to start staying in Kansas City with my teammate Cate Jernigan four days out of the week. This move at twelve years old taught me a lot about independence and perseverance, both on and off the pitch. By the end of the year, my family had made the decision to make the permanent move up to Kansas City to continue to allow me to follow my dreams, and endeavor on the journey to play collegiate soccer. This move also placed us in the headquarters of the most elite soccer teams in the Midwest, which was important because my younger sister Audrey was following in my footsteps.

During my first year of ECNL I had quite a gap to close, from both the standpoint of being thrown into a new position at center back and also needing to meet the elite level of the league. To close this gap it required an incredible investment on my part –  strength and agility sessions with my private trainers, being the first one at practice to get extra touches, being the last one at practice to get extra fitness, watching game film, and not being afraid to ask coaches and older players for advice. I spent my first whole season at center back and a lot of the games were spent watching balls go over my head, missing tackles, leaving an open mark, and missing key components of being a defensive player. By the end of the year, I had closed the fitness and skill level gaps, but still was lacking the positional components. With a supportive coach and teammates I was given the opportunity to roster with the team for the following year. I saw this as a sign to prove why I was given a second chance. 

That summer I started intensely working daily with Scott Moody and Shon Jones at AthleteFIT. Every morning we would train footwork, shooting, passing, agility, speed, strength, and fitness. Not only did they completely change me as a player, but they also became a major support system for me beyond just the game. They understood me as a person, they understood the high standards I had for myself, and they understood my mindset and goals for the sport. Little did I know that those relationships I made that summer with Scott and Shon would come back to be my saving grace in March 2022. 

In March 2022, after closing all the gaps from the previous year, changing positions again to the midfield, and having a banner fall season, I tore my ACL and meniscus in a spring season game. It was known as a “pop heard around the world” type of injury. But, I didn’t tear my ACL in half like you would imagine; I actually popped it completely off the bone. This rarely happens, but my surgeon believed it was because I had developed so much muscle mass on my legs within that past year, that when my knee went in the opposite direction of my body my muscles were able to completely overpower my ACL and caused it to tear off the bone which of course made a pop that could be heard around the whole field. When you feel the pop, you feel everything you have ever worked for and ever wanted immediately disappear. My mom, being the amazing mom she is, tried to keep us both in hope that it wasn’t torn by saying, “It's not torn, you didn't feel it pop, you're going to be okay and be able to play again soon.”  But, as the person in the pain, you know right away when something is completely wrong with your body and you know it's bad. Every thought was racing through my head, and as the trauma of the injury set in, the rest of that day went blurry for me. It is like an instant loss of hope and the feeling that no one will ever understand what you are going through.

However, I was lucky enough to know someone who would know exactly what I was feeling both mentally and physically after the immediate injury. It was Brandon Ramirez at Full90Fitness. Brandon is one of my private trainers, and we had spoken many times in the past about his multiple knee injuries and surgeries over the course of his career. The day after my tear I could not get myself to go to school and I could not pull myself out of the devastation. My parents didn’t know what to do to help me, as they had never been in this situation before, so they called Brandon and asked him if I could meet with him at his gym. He of course said yes, and we went in and saw him. I sat in complete silence with him for hours that day, but he knew he needed to shift my mindset to prepare me for my surgery, so he quietly ran me through several different mobility and strength exercises to keep my muscles working.

My surgery was delayed a month with the children's hospital because they were still dealing with some post-COVID staff issues and lack of operating rooms available. This was the longest and most difficult month of my life. Having to navigate a packed middle school on crutches became so mentally and physically exhausting and embarrassing. There were many days of begging my parents to stay home as I saw myself falling into a deeper, darker place with the injury. After the initial shock of the injury set in for myself, my teammates, and coach, I felt like they started to forget about me. I still showed up to every single practice and game sitting on the sidelines, trying to be the leader I was on the field from the bench. Little did they know that the smile and encouraging words they were seeing and hearing was all a facade. That strong cover I was able to put on for them made the disappointing cries so much longer and harder to work through by myself. No one understood my loss or could see that I was slowly disappearing. 

Finally, April 20th came and I got to have my surgery. Although my surgery and physical recovery could not have gone better, it was incredibly difficult for me to stay afloat mentally. During those nine months of recovery, it felt like there was no light left for me at the end of the tunnel. My biggest fear was that I wouldn’t be able to get back to the player I was pre-injury. At my first visit, my surgeon said there was an 85% chance of returning to the player I was if not stronger, but all I could focus on was the other 15%. That 15% equaled failure to me. At times, even though my body was physically ahead, my head wasn’t; it was actually tremendously behind. The only thing that kept me going were my workouts with my physical therapist, Kaylee Hoffman. She also had a personal experience tearing her ACL, but in basketball. I honestly do not know what I would have done without her. She was another person I added to my support system within those nine months of recovery because she understood my drive and goals, but more importantly, she knew where my mind would go and knew when things were starting to go dark again for me. She was the person who opened up the tunnel so I could see the light at the end. During this time, I was also working with Scott four times per week, but even with Kaylee, Scott, Shon, and Brandon doing incredible things to support me, it was not enough for my mind to believe I would make it through. 

It quickly turned to more than just the injury for me. Things started to pile up on top of the devastation of the injury alone. I felt extremely disconnected from my teammates, my club coaches checked in on me physically – but never asked me how I was actually doing, I had to watch my teammates play the game from the sidelines month after month – and at times watch the position I had worked so hard for on the field be filled by replacements - it was all incredibly distressing.  I also started a brand new all girls high school with a rigorous workload that started to become overwhelming. I was missing core classes for physical therapy and doctors appointments which added onto my academic workload, and I also had difficulty making friends because I was at such a low point in my life that I struggled to be my normal social and outgoing self. The one common thought I had through all of that was, I didn’t do anything to deserve this.  I actually have been trying to do all of  the right things for as long as I could remember.  

It was clear to all that this injury was incredibly hard to deal with on the outside, but it was even harder to process on the inside. The side that no one could see. There was only one person that knew me so well that I could let her in and have her help me through it all. Her name is Cate Jernigan, my former teammate, the person who took me in and let me live with her for 6 months, and my best friend. Everyday there was text, a phone call, or a conversation from her to check in on me not only physically, but mentally. She was the only person I didn’t put a strong face on for because I knew she did truly care and love me. She became family to me and forever will be because those were the simple check-ins that kept me from going somewhere so dark that it would be impossible to come out of. There is one specific moment I had with her that proved without a doubt the value of her friendship. During my recovery another one of my teammate’s sisters who played collegiately had just torn her ACL. In fact, we all watched it happen during a live stream on a bus ride back from Wisconsin. After seeing it happen and not being able to do anything, her mother came back and sat with me on the bus.  After finding out it was in fact torn, she texted my mom the next day and apologized for not being more empathetic during my initial injury and the recovery thereafter.  She said she had no idea how devastating this injury could be until it happened to her own daughter.  The next game we were scheduled to play after she tore, all the girls on my team wore her jersey number on their wrist. I wrote the number for all the girls on their wrist and when I went to put the number on CJ’s wrist, she looked at me and said, “Put 13 on the other side for you.” This was the moment I felt wanted again. This was the moment where my best friend pulled me out of my darkest place. 

In January of 2023, I was finally fully cleared to play again. I went back into practice feeling confident and ready to take on my spring season. Sadly, things didn't work out in my favor once again. Three days back into practice, I re-tore my meniscus. Like before, I knew right away something was torn. I was instantly destroyed mentally yet again. The first thing I said to my mom in the car as I was crying uncontrollably was, “Why does the world want me to fail so badly?” I felt myself falling back into the darkness, as I knew there was a second surgery in store for me that would put me out for another 8 to 12 weeks. Even though it wasn’t even a fourth of the time of my first recovery, it truly felt like I was starting back from square one again. 

After school one day, my mom handed me her phone with Morgan Rodger's story pulled up and just said, “Read it.”  I fought back for a minute because it had been such a rough day I wasn’t in the mood to talk about anything related to my injury. She sat next to me and cried as I read it to myself, and by the time I was done reading I understood why she was crying. Everything Morgan had experienced up until the end was what I had experienced or was experiencing at the time. She looked over at me with a look I had never seen before. She had fear in her eyes thinking I was going somewhere bad, and she was terrified of what could possibly happen if I kept letting myself go there. A few days later, I realized that Morgan’s story had come across my path at the time it did for a reason. I wouldn’t, no I couldn’t, let myself go there. So, reading Morgan’s story gave me a new purpose. Sure, I wasn’t ready to get back on the field physically YET, but it gave me a new reason to keep going. 

At my eight week post-op appointment I was given the all clear to head back into practice. The smile on my face had never been so big. I knew that there were going to be challenges throughout the rest of my spring season, but that's what brought the smile. I wanted to work, and I wanted to be challenged. I spent the rest of my spring season training with older girls, playing with and against some of the best players in the country. I frequently checked in with my new coach, who was set to be my coach for the next season. I continuously asked him what gaps I needed to close prior to tryouts, and he would make light of my request and tell me I just need to relax and give my body time – it was going to take six months at least for my play to get back to my normal 100% self. He told me I needed to stay calm, stay out of my head, and let myself play freely. I genuinely took this to heart and tried to let my body take control, and let my head listen to what it needed - time. At about ten weeks, I was working back into game play. Of course, this was only at about 75% of my potential due to not playing for over a year at this point. The goal at this time in my play was to rebuild strength, speed, endurance, and the greatest of all - my confidence. My team of PT and private trainers helped me most through this time. They got me back to me. 

At about the same time, a new player was invited into our practices from a rival club. I considered her presence as a personal challenge, and I was willing to take on the load of fighting for a roster spot with only a month left until tryouts. I put my heart on the field and threw myself into every single training and game like it could be my last. The player I was for that next month was the player who had earned herself a spot on this team in the first place. I knew that after I was able to get out of my knee brace and was given the summer to work with Scott and Shon, I would easily be able to compete with her – I just needed a little more time in my recovery. However, I soon found out that the entire time I had been playing that spring season, when I was only 10 to 12 weeks out of my second knee surgery of the year, I was being evaluated against the new player who was coming in completely healthy with no injuries. About two weeks before tryouts I was completely cut off by my coach. He stopped coaching me on the field, stopped giving me feedback, and made it known that she was there to replace me because he offered her a spot on the roster and told me that I would need to perform at tryouts to fight for my spot. Also note, there had been at least five other ACL tears across the age levels in my club around the same time that I tore my ACL. At tryouts, he ultimately cut me and kept the other players recovering. It hurt to see all of the time and dedication I had put into this team all just wash away. But what hurt the most was all my teammates and fellow clubmates all apologized to me and felt bad about the outcome, yet no one spoke up for me. The only people that stood up for me were my parents, private trainers, and CJ (Cate Jernigan). 

Little did I know, feeling betrayed by so many people may have been one of the best things that could’ve happened for me. This was genuinely an everything happens for a reason moment. It wasn’t until I was asked to meet with Kansas Rush Girls Academy coach Daouda Kante, and Kansas Rush Girls Academy Director Mario Felix, that I realized there could be so much more to soccer. After getting cut from my ECNL team due to my injury and a slower recovery after my second surgery, Daouda offered me a spot on his GA roster sight unseen, basing his decision solely on my reputation of being a hardworking and driven player. The first time I met Daouda I watched him coach his 2006 boys' team in a state cup game. Not only was I amazed by how well the team played, but what caught my eye the most was the culture Daouda had created with those boys and their families. A few days later, Daouda invited me out again to watch the boys play, this time in the state cup semi-final. Sadly, they lost, but that didn’t change how Daouda treated each and every single one of those boys. They walked off that field with a hug from their coach, a recovery drink in their hand, and so much love for one another. All of that is culture. Culture is a choice made by a coach, or a club. It is not just a given. After the game I met up with Daouda and let him know that I would like to graciously accept his offer. The first words he said to me were, “I’m going to take care of you.” For me, that was a moment that changed my career in the sport forever. I had seen teams have a culture like this, but I never thought it could be my reality. I had never experienced a coach that creates such an intentional connection and support system for his players.  

I am now playing for Kansas Rush Girls Academy under Daouda and Mario. I was joined by two of my other former teammates, who soon realized they were creating a culture like no other in the soccer world. Since my interactions with Daouda, I feel like I have truly found myself again as a player and as a person. When I joined him my body was healed and ready to work, but my mind and heart weren’t. Now they are. I have developed such a great appreciation for myself, the game, my teammates, my coaches and trainers, and the culture I can create all within myself. But, after getting to this point of balance and whole body wellness, the question became – well, what’s next? 

As you can imagine, any person, let alone an athlete that goes through a catastrophic injury, must do some soul searching during that time of recovery to help them move forward in their athletic journey. After watching the game from the bench for over a year, and spending a lot of quiet time on my own during my recovery, I felt like I needed to do more. I led on the field for so long, so leading on the bench came very naturally for me. However, this injury made me grow up a lot, and I now have a completely different perspective on the game and the players in the game. I feel like I need to be a voice for my teammates and other female soccer players across the nation. Something I have become very passionate about over the past year as I have reentered the game, is the absolute need to focus on the whole player over their performance. I want to help prevent any other girl from ever feeling the darkness I felt or experiencing what I experienced. 

It was at our first meeting of the year that I knew more than ever that I had to be a part of something bigger than just myself as a player. This is when Mario began to peel back the layers of our club culture. Mario introduced our focal points for the year with passion, which included our core values as a club and program, expectations for all, partnering with younger players as mentors, reading The Energy Bus to fuel our team and program culture, working with experts in mental health and financial management, and learning who we were as a team - including understanding how we all receive communication best. It was only after he spoke about all those concepts, that he then moved on to our playing tactics and attacking and defensive philosophies. A club putting the whole player ahead of performance? 

After leaving that meeting, I began to believe this moment in my life – the ups and downs of the injury, changing teams and programs, being introduced to Daouda and Mario, and understanding the layers of the Girls Academy program - were all set before me to help me discover my WHY and be a part of something bigger than myself.  This upcoming year I will serve my team and club as team captain and Girls Academy team representative. I am forever thankful for everyone that helped me through my challenges and difficult times. Without those mentioned, I would not be anywhere close to where I am today. Everything I have gone through and fought for comes to this moment, where I can use my struggles to help and educate others. Morgan forever changed my life, and my hope is my story can change someone else's life. I am grateful to be back on the field, playing for myself and my team, and to be a messenger for Morgan.