The Silent Struggle: Power, Manipulation & the Dark Side of NCAA Athletics
By Izi Belogay | IG: @izibelogay
The Illusion of a Dream
College athletics is often glorified as the ultimate goal: a stepping stone for athletes chasing their dreams and a symbol of dedication, discipline, and success. But what most people don’t see, the side rarely talked about, is how quickly that environment can turn toxic when power is abused and control goes unchecked. I want to be clear: I don’t believe all NCAA programs operate this way. There are ones that are supportive and well-run, yet far too many cases like mine remain unspoken, overshadowing the overall picture with a hidden cost.
When Coaching Becomes Control
When I became a Division I triathlete, I was ready to embrace the challenge. I expected it to be hard; I welcomed that. What I didn’t expect was the way my confidence, self-worth, and even my sense of reality would slowly erode under the weight of manipulation and fear. My coach had a way of treating everyone differently. Some of my teammates were favored, others ignored, and some, like me, were gradually broken down without me even noticing at the time. One day, a small victory felt like proof I was on track; the next, I’d be berated for “not trying hard enough” despite giving everything I had. The constant push for approval, paired with unpredictable reactions, left me questioning whether I was really at fault or simply caught in an unfair system.
The Mental Toll of a Toxic System
As time went on, I began to question everything—my abilities, my instincts, my worth. I became hyper-focused on doing everything “right”: training harder, eating perfectly, and trying to transform myself into an ideal that I thought would finally be acceptable. No matter what I did, it never felt enough. The pressure built until I felt I was failing not because of my efforts, but because of a system that thrived on breaking you down. It wasn’t until I was injured for the third time in four years and stepped away that I could see it clearly—the manipulation, the control, and an environment designed to undermine rather than support its athletes. The power dynamics were so deeply ingrained into It took years for me to fully process the damage that the toxic culture had inflicted, and I later learned that I wasn’t alone. Many athletes across NCAA programs carry this heavy burden in silence.
Speaking Up & Facing Retaliation
Walking away early was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but what came before it was even harder—I spoke up. I reported my coach’s emotional and verbal abuse to the athletic department, believing that my voice might spark change. Instead, it led to swift retaliation. The moment their supervisors confronted them, I was singled out as “the problem,” an example of what happens when you challenge authority. My scholarship, my place on the team, and my future as an athlete were all put at risk. As I tried to advocate for myself, I found that teammates, fearing for their own positions, chose silence or left the program altogether. The experience showed me that the system is structured to protect its image rather than the well-being of its athletes, making the act of speaking up even more daunting.
Reclaiming My Power
I eventually reached a point where I realized I had two choices: let this experience define me as a victim or reclaim my power and rewrite my narrative. I chose the latter. I began doing the inner work—the kind of work that no amount of physical training ever prepared me for. I had to unlearn the idea that my worth was tied to external validation and stop giving away my power to those who never had my best interests at heart. This meant embracing gratitude in a new way, not as a simple mindset shift, but as a way of life that helped me see my challenges as opportunities for growth. Instead of seeing my experience as something that happened to me, I started seeing it as something that happened for me. Yes, I had been hurt. Yes, I had been mistreated. But through it all, I was learning, growing, becoming someone who could rise above it. I slowly learned to see my past as a part of my journey rather than its defining moment.
The Power of Perspective
I came to understand that true strength isn’t measured by how much pain you can silently endure—it’s about recognizing when it’s time to walk away from harmful situations. It’s about knowing that you don’t need to seek approval from those who refuse to see your worth and that reclaiming your voice is a powerful act. Changing my perspective allowed me to view my struggles as steps toward personal growth rather than as failures. This shift in mindset has become the cornerstone of my mission to help others find the strength to rise above their own challenges.
To the Athletes Who Feels Trapped
If you’re reading this and even a part of my story resonates with you, please know that you are not alone. You are more than your sport, and you deserve a life that nourishes both your body and your spirit. I share my experience not just to recount the hardships but to show that there is a way forward. True strength comes from recognizing your inherent worth and having the courage to take back your power. Remember, you don’t have to suffer in silence. Your voice matters, and so do you.
