Speaking Out
By Morgan Schneider | IG: @schneidermorgann
Hi, I'm Morgan Schneider, my story embodies being a student athlete with mental health struggles. My whole life I've been extremely outgoing but always had severe anxiety. This really hit hard in second semester my freshman year. I no longer cared about anyone or anything. I let go of my motivation and no longer wanted to be a part of the life I was living. The only thing getting me through second semester was soccer.
No one knew what I was going through at that time, but they could see some changes in my facial expressions. My soccer coaches and teammates then started noticing some worrying marks on my body. I dreaded going to practice every day as I didn’t want to talk about it with anyone. My secret of balancing school, soccer, relationships, and my own mental state was getting out of my control. Somehow, every single one slipped away from me. I lost myself, my grades went down and overall, I hurt those around me. I always thought I can manage this by myself. I didn’t want anyone involved with my problems. My soccer coaches pushed their way in and would not let me give up on myself even when having a rough time in practice and games. They were there for me even though most times I tried to push them away.
I needed help. You can tell we are in a mental health crisis. It was a six-month process from scheduling the assessment to receiving my diagnosis. I was diagnosed with anxiety, depression and ADHD. We then had another long process with the school to implement a 504 plan. The soccer coaches helped guide my parents and myself expedite the 504-plan process in October of my sophomore year. This has helped me TREMENDOUSLY where I am now making honor roll.
So here I am now starting my sophomore year on varsity cheer and finally have a solid mental health plan starting mid-semester. During that time, I would get quiet in practices, but still was present. I would walk away from situations that I knew were triggering just to gather my thoughts. I would refocus so that I could show up and give my all. I would compare this to athletes that take a break to ice an injury. I would just take a short mental break to balance out my head. I never missed a practice or a game. Overall cheer took my mind off what was really going on in my head. Competing and being physically active are part of who I am.
People began to notice that I wasn’t the same person as freshman year. I changed and it wasn’t by choice. I was getting asked questions frequently. I was being asked to share what was going on with my teammates as some thought that would create better team unity. I wasn’t ready to share my journey at that time. Every word spoken to me mattered and had a big effect on me. I felt like I kept on getting compared to an old version of myself and everyone wanted that person back. I felt alone and completely rejected as I knew I was never going to be that same person. I then was informed that I would not be competing with the team. My talent was not in question. It was my mental health. This was around the time I was finally getting some answers, resolution and help. I was on the upswing at this time, but it wasn’t in God’s timing I guess. The soccer coaches during that time stepped in and recognized my efforts and supported me and this was their off-season. They saw me go dark last season and refused to see that again. The funny thing is, when varsity soccer season ended freshman year, I never wanted to tie up my cleats again. I was so scared I was going to fall back into a difficult place.
Cheer has been a sport I loved. I loved competing and tumbling. I worked hard for all my skills. I was excited to be a part of a successful team. I was even more proud to be contributor to its success freshman year. My mental health is now something that I will not take for granted. I will always put that first and will remove myself from unsafe environments. I am not sure I will try out for cheer again; however, anything can happen in the next few years. I do miss it though. This situation made me even more thankful for soccer and coaches that will push me physically and mentally. I found that I am tough, and I can do hard things. This past year has proved that.
I am not who I was my freshman year and that’s okay. I have learned techniques to overcome dark thoughts and how to deal with negative situations. I now use those tough moments as motivation. Overall, I am a new person. Some people don’t accept that, but I do. That’s all that matters. I am closer to God, I have better relationships with my friends and family, my grades have been amazing and overall, I found a better version of myself.
In conclusion, coaches need to learn how to deal with their athletes when they are struggling. Mental health is stigmatized in all ages. So many athletes are afraid to speak out thinking it makes them look weak. It is so overlooked, especially in student athletes. When going through such a dark time, you think it’s never going to end. That’s when you need support the most. Athletes see coaches nearly every day. They see their athletes at their worst, best, funniest, saddest and everything in between. Coaches are not mental health professionals, but they do have a responsibility to not turn a blind eye. I have found that some of my best coaches are the most demanding and they understand mental health concerns in athletes.
